I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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