I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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