In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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