your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
