I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
