i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
