I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
