so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
