Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
