Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
