Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
