Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
