apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
