I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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