I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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