If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
