You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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