Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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