evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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