i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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