Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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