Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
