I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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