I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ruined the universe
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
