I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
