I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
