I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
