Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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