Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
