Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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