the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
