You're my little dorito
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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