this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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