Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
