I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize