If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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