He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
