Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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