I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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