Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
