Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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