I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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