I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
