You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
