And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
