I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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