Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
