Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
