Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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