you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize