I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
