the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
