just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
