You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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