it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
