I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize