That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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