There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
