Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
