I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
