it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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