listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
