I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just cropdusted the office
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
