you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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