if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
