Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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