Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
