Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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