Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
