Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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