While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
