No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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