Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
