What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
