So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
