Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
