Im at strip club and am horny
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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