My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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