i already hear my dad disowning me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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