did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
