a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
