can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
