Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
