its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
