I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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