I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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