Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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