But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
