I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
