Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
