guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
