I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
