when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
