saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
