Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can't motorboat a personality
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
