This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
