I accidentally burped into my bong.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
