Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
