Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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