I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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