So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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