can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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