Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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