hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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