just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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