I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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