I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
