He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize