Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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